I've always preferred to keep my work and private life separate. Although, there's a big part of my yoga which transcends into everything I do. Yoga has shaped my way of thinking and my responses, even more so in the last decade.
I wanted to write and share this as part of my story. I do not want pity - far from it, but I feel it's part a healing process in moving forwards. It's kind of like the 'acceptance' stage of grief. Here's an article which explains the stages of grief which is really interesting. This model by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross has been around for over 50 years.
In February 2015 my husband aged 52 had a massive stroke. He'd been under stress with work for some time and had been having nose bleeds. However, he and his GP agreed he should come off High Blood pressure tablets, which was in hindsight a huge mistake.
The NHS is amazing at saving people and about 48 hours after being blue lighted in, he had a life saving Craniectomy (removing over a 1/3 of his skull) and was intensive care for several days. This was at National Hospital of Neurology and Neurosurgery in Queen's Square where he remained for over 8 months.
The stroke left him paralysed on his left side, blind in his left eye, no peripheral vision and some cognitive difficulties. But for us the biggest change was his personality. He found it funny that the staff would be using his skull as an ash tray.
Mike used to be a Creative Director in publishing, whizzing around town to photoshoots on his scooter.
I sold our family house whilst he was in the National, got rid of masses of stuff, down sized and refurbished another house to make it more suitable for his needs. We were lucky enough to be able to do this and get rid of the mortgage.
My daughters were 18 and 15 when this all happened. It was extremely challenging for them.
I kept going with my yoga teaching and some practice, friends stepped up and others drifted away, but yoga was there literally supporting me physically and mentally, the whole time.
Like the verse in the Bhagavad Gita (which I've been referring to recently), what kept and keeps me going is being grateful for the little things. Being present to the journey and not thinking about the end result. Thank goodness my body is serving me well. I am very grateful I can still do most things I could a decade ago. Also, thank God for my 4 legged companions who regardless of the weather (well at least one of them) needs exercising 'everydamnday'. If you're interested in reading more about the Gita's view of suffering (dukkha) this is interesting. https://www.hinduwebsite.com/divinelife/suffering.asp
Me and my girls have all grown to be a lot stronger as a result of our experience. They are very fine 'principled' young women of whom I am very proud. We've all lost someone, a dad, a companion, even though they are still physically here.
I am Mike's main carer and the four of us are all living under one roof (at the moment), and again I am extremely grateful that we can offer that.
I've no idea what the future holds but practicing 'yogaeverydamnday' along with 'dogwalkingeverydamnday' is vital to my well being.
I am very grateful to those who continue to be part of my journey and I consider it to be a privilege to share what I have learned. I hope you don't mind me sharing this part of my journey here, as I hope it might be helpful for others too.
Namaste
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